we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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