Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
