I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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