I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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