I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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