Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
