She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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