I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
