Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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