i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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