I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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