I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Never underestimate the power of titties
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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