I think my fart just growled at me.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
