highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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