I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
