If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
