he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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