Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
