but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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