I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize