You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
