I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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