Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
and you fell through a lawn chair
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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