What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
