I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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