i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
