I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
