Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
This house was built for laser tag.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
