Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
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I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
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I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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