I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Found the puke drawer
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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