im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Dicks are not precious.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
