i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm just crazy horny about you
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
