It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
