i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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