I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
