Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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