i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
