Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
