That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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