i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
