If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
even my farts smell like vagina
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
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Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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