Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You're like the curious george of whores
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
My liver is preforming stress tests.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
