you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
How does one acquire holy water?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
