i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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