Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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