and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
