I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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