So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
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then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
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Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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