Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
