Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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