Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
