He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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