I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize