I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
