there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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