I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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