I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
