You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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