god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
