i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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