I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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