hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
It's just like the Real World with babies
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
