It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
