last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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